yutopia｜Are Internet Influencers Reborn or Reincarnated?

The intensity and thrills that came with taking this path quickly surpassed the reminders to“be myself.” This was more like a type of self-immolation – only after burning up could I be
reconstructed.

In my 10th year as an influencer, my social media account disappeared. It was like that kind of dream where you open your mouth and try to scream but no sound comes out. In that
digital void, I vanished overnight without a trace. It was then that I realized that all those years spent thinking I was “constructing myself,” I was just maintaining an image for others
to see.

It was like I wasn't a human being but, rather, a symbol for people to observe.

That was the first time that I understood that only when everything is recalibrated can the real story quietly begin. It was not because I was ready, but because there was no other choice.

I was eager to prove that I was someone “worthy of attention.” I believed that as long as I worked hard enough and was professional enough, I could gain a stable sense of existence.
Gradually, I became what others wanted me to be. Between my audience’s desires and the need to brand myself, I lost focus.

That was a time of endless imitation, when I had the illusion that I was moving forward. In actuality, I was spinning in place.

Who is ANGELA? Who am I?

ANGELA (a strange loop) follows the disintegration and reorganization of an Internet influencer. Her body gradually becomes unfamiliar to her and her voice mechanical sounding, as her identity begins to be peeled away, as in the three stages of alchemy-purifying, maturing, and perfecting. She repeatedly whispers to be careful because you might fall, as if reminding everyone that slipping away from an image is easier than we imagine.

ANGELA’s journey is not linear. She is reincarnated countless times, creating increasing confusion for audience members. Is she still the same person?

Isn’t this a reflection of ourselves? We share details about our lives, talk about our ideas, and flaunt our style. But, in the end, we cannot be sure if we are still ourselves.

Today, I am still here, but no longer look to others. I no longer pursue “more.” People come and go in this industry and the only thing I can take away from it is myself. These past nearly
20 years spent carving out a place for myself were not about reaching an ideal state. Rather, they were about finally learning to let go of those fragments that do not belong to me.

Perhaps, this is the meaning of rebirth – not a return to the starting point but waking up with scars and finally not having to act anymore.

The essence of social media is a strange loop. You think that you are creating, but actually you are imitating. You think that you are expressing, but actually you are performing. When
watching and being watched become part of a daily routine and identity becomes commoditized, we will all see the contours of some parts of ourselves in ANGELA’s fateful story.

What about you?

Do you remember what you look like without filters?